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What topic gave birth to jokes and pranks?
Sex, what else?

The wrongly called “Semitic” languages (the correct name is Ancient Arabian because that’s where it originated) are the oldest attested languages in history but nobody has identified their origins before the development of Applied Biliteral Etymology.
Even if the origins were discovered, it is almost impossible to decipher them without identifying the categories of the prehistoric language, i.e. the linguistic containers of different topics our ancient ancestors needed to communicate to each other – love, famine, elongation, water, intercourse, etc.The category of the bilierral unit *KN/*NK is intercourse, marriage, children, houswork and grievances of both husband and wife.

Finding the oirigin of peculiar words is not usually systematic. For one or another and at a certain time or another the mind almost suddenly leads to the origin of certain words such as *NKt “joke, miser, mean.” This is a triliteral made of the biliteral root (*NK) + a third letter, t.

Both Arabic and Akkadian have niāku: [Science → Natural sciences] to rape, to have sexual intercourse, to fornicate; G: [muruṣ nâki]: venereal disease; (Gtn) to sleep around *; Š: to permit intercourse.
Sex in Arabic is “naik”; ‘niakah’ is equal to a coinage like “fornicalisation”. Surprisingly, if somebody is trying to piss off another he may be told to stop ‘niakah’ (“fornicalisation).English “Knackered” appears to be from “nak/naik,” with relatable meanings: tired, exhausted or broken in British and Irish slang is commonly used in Australia, Ireland, Newfoundland, New Zealand, and the United Kingdom.

knacker (v.), is most probably from the same origin meaning to “to kill, castrate” (1855), apparently from knacker (n.) “one who slaughters old or sick horses” (1812).

knock (v. “at a door”) and knock down appear to have the same root, *NK. Entering a woman is likened to knocking at a door and sex could be related to “knock down” with a little imagination.

joke (v.), joke (n.) and joker appear to be variants of the dialectal Syrian  “jakar,”: to spite, to annoy, to piss off. its Stone Age origin is probably *GR. In dialectal Arabic, gargar is “chatterbox, a speaker of nonsense.”

Though we are certain ‘joke’ is an extension of the category, we can’t tell you what the first joke was about but we can give a sample of Arab sex jokes: Every time this young man falls in love with a girl he discovers that legions of other men have marched in and out before him. So, he decides to marry the first girl who has never seen a “thingy” before. His test is simple. Accompanied by his mum, as usual in introductions between girls and boys, he asks the girl’s mum to talk to her daughter in private for two minutes. Once alone he unzips and asks the girl “what do you call this thingy?” If she says “thingy”, that’s it – he storms out.

Many several scores of girls later, he unzips and asks the girl “what do you call this?” She is shocked, “What in God’s name is this? How dare you?”

That was sufficient and they get married.

Five years later he takes her aside, “Wife, I have something to tell you. The thing I use to sleep with you is called a “thingy.” I thought you should know now that happily married couple.”

The wife is shocked, again, “No dear husband. You’re wrong. The smallest “thingy” I have seen on my ex boyfriends was twice as big. This is nothing. How dare you show it me in the light?”

Prank in Arabic is “mazaḥ”, and extension of the root *MZ. The meaning of the root is “bitter-sweet” but usually used to describe the taste of quince, CYDONIA OBLONGA.

A popular use is to describe unpalatable people: “He’s like a quince – a choke with every bite.” Those who know ‘mazah’ “different plates of Arabic starters” now know the origin of the word.

Quince is a fruit of Yemen so it was known in Arabia. Probably a prank was to offer people who don’t the know fruit a bite, or a bitter-sweet drink they are not familiar with.

You would not believe the meanings of some extensions from nak/naik. A few examples:

nakab: devastate, wipe out, obliterate,
nakar: deny,
nakad: a life of hell, a life of constant aggregation, etc.

Adel Bishtawi is author of Origins of “Semitic” Languages, Origin of Arabic Numerals and Natural Foundations of Arabian Civilisation: Origins of alphabets, numeration, numerals, measurements and money.

Image credit: happily married people from Huffington Post


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Last modified: August 27, 2017

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